Can’t be living by the heart anymore these days.. -[EDITED]

Being tempermental recently. No, it’s not moodswing. Just unable to hold back my frustrations with all that in hand i’m confused over that’s unsettled..

At times i’d really wonder- “why must people wear mask/s..” Don’t they ever feel tired of having to hide behind the mask that they’re wearing? Imagine the amount of lies/ white lies which they’d have to remember.. Then what more to further lie to compromise with the lies before? Life is such a hassel when you can’t truely express yourself, no?

Lately and i’ve been counting on the incidents whereby i live, functioning with my heart more than my head.. Appears to me that many of times, i was taken granted for.. I’ve always believed that i’m one whom forgets but never forgives. Yet it seems more like the other way round- i forgive but i just won’t forget..

Friends claimed that i’m too dumb to know what’s going on in this real world and that there’s an ugly side to it. Then again, why am i bitching away here? Mummy says a have a ‘soft ear’. She says that it means i trust people’s words too easily. Quite true about that. =x But for the benefit of doubt, i mustn’t think ill of anyone right from the start, agree?

Whatever, i’m really exhausted having to choose believing who’s true and not.. It’s tiring, very; to the extreme. I’m not up to these games of late anymore. It’s sick how friends end up being suspicious of one another, hence start being shady about everything. It’s so much more challenging than mind games, honestly speaking.. Will friends ever betray you that harshly and or even take you for granted? If so, should they still be labelled as ‘friends’? Maybe it’s time i start brainstorming who are those whom are truely ‘friends’.. Just how does one perfect imperfections?

*

Oh, last week Dennis and i chatted on messenger. (: Like finally can! [Haha.] Guess what?! He sent me this ‘Jai Ho’ song which was played during the ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ by Pussycat Dolls? And it’s this song which i tried downloading and caused my lappy to have been injected with viruses! ): Thank goodness all’s good again. (: He misses Singapore in less than a month over at Brunei. Poorthing. I keep thinking how’s it over there for him. It’s gonna be another ¾-year and more for him before he returns! I miss my friend already. ): And definitely, also Clarissa who’s in China. But she would be back soon- say August the 2nd ‘2009(if i didn’t remember wrongly).. I love you, big-ssa!! ♥♥ *(sending over to cheena)*.. Oh dear. I’ve yet to meet my lovely girl- Jaslyn, soon since she’s finally back from Shanghai! JiaYan, if you happen to read this entry, please help me with fixing a date for yourself, Jaslyn and i!! It’s time that blossom, bubbles and buttercup start hanging out again(though i know other than myself, you two are always busy with school).. (: Thazin, i’ve yet to meet up with you and chill too! (:

And, i’ve been doing principles of accounts lately too! Helping girlfriend out through messenger with her sums. (: I like lunching with her at factory’s canteen. But not so much when the korean food digests(oh, she knows why, i think). It’d be perfect if we can lunch together every once in a week. (: Say ‘yes’, MeiQi!! (:(:

Whoops, apologies for a rather lengthy entry after not posting for a few days. =x That’s about it for now since i’m no longer feeling bloated after breakfast with Mommy an hour ago.. (: Shall get some sleep now. =x 

One thing i’m sure- I love all of my friends truely.. ♥

To do or not to.

Mommy’s saying something about me heading out late and returning home just in time to wake her up.. Well, i’m glad she did notice. But i didn’t really want to do it either.. I mean, i always get hungry at very weird hours! So can i blame my appetite for that instead? Besides, i don’t do stupid and disgraceful stuffs when i’m out other than just eating a lot.. Should i start a curfew and maybe ground myself from supper? ): Dennis’ not online. ): x2.

And suddenly, it rains.

Humidity changed my mind to stay home instead so Mommy bought food back for me.. Was online almost the entire time since i woke up.. But!! Dennis wasn’t. ): Guess there’s only three other ways to “chat” with him..

1)Email. 2)Fb. 3)My wordpress’ comments. …

Oh, i decided to post due to the sudden rain.. Did it just stop?! Whatever. The weather recently has had been so very unpredictble! Then now i’m craving for a super chill glass of sugar cane drink!! =x May’s approaching in another week’s time. All i ask for is one silent May..

After two years, two months, and a few weeks; i’ve chosen and that’s letting go.. Yes, it’s been this long since then.. I’m totally worn out, so farewell. (:

Dennis! Read this. ↓

MSN.

Session Start: Tuesday, April 21, 2009

• Teressa. (teressalilin@hotmail.com)
• dennis_hunter8 (dennis_hunter8@hotmail.com)

(3:37PM) dennis_hunter8:	Quick question, did you see that Oprah episode on losing weight? I found the same goodies for 5 dollars and I lost 9 pounds allready. See for yourself http://wadecost.com

What the hell?!?!?!?!?!

Session Start: Tuesday, April 21, 2009

• Teressa. (teressalilin@hotmail.com)
• dennis_hunter8 (dennis_hunter8@hotmail.com)

(3:51 PM) Teressa.:	hello!(:
(3:54 PM)	The following message could not be delivered to all recipients:hello!(:

Messenger deprived me of chatting with my friend. ;( And the virus?! [Grrrr.] Oh by the way Dennis, i think Ayumi Hamasaki just released a new album!

So how are you doing at Brunei? (: It’s almost a week for you over at there.. Only a week.. >.<

 

[Ahhh.] Mommy’s rushing me to go to town with her. [Tsk.] *Ciao~*

BLACK.

Crap. Now my eye bags are totally black; after two nights of staying out late. Yeah you guessed it, just got home. And in another minute i’ll need to wake Mommy up.. Maybe i should get her a new alarm clock. Shall try waking up a little earlier later.. Say approximately 1.30 in the noon- latest? Gonna mask, and read for the day then meet Mommy for dinner. (: So looking forward to dinner since i already know at where and what’re we gonna have. Oh, did i mention about last night’s dinner? Despite wondering so much, it was decided that we ate at foodcourt in AMK Hub. … The fries i had like an hour ago is making my throat hurt now. [Ouch.] There goes my ‘no-more-supper’ plan- FAILED terribly. =x

Gwen!!!! We seriously need to get a job soon!!!! Or we’re just end up wasting precious time!!!! And having extraordinary sleeping time!!!! [Yawn.]

Maybe not anymore.

[Wow.] I’m like duper tired now. Say i woke up for less than two hours ago, now i’m thinking how not to turn to my bed and sleep again.. Well anyhow, went down to Simei alone after dinner with Mommy and her friend. Caught up with Sochanthy and stuff. Man, all i can say is that he needs to start staying out of trouble/s.. I don’t know how else closer he want us to be like back then ’cause i never thought that things changed at all.. But i’ve always been there whenever he needed me. So, i don’t really know what he wants more. That’s beside the point. Seriously, he needs to stop going high with just EC gas. It’s harmful to the body!! He’s like totally addicted to it!! ); Don’t he even think? Guess you didn’t realise all along, i was like there for you always, my friend.

Boarded the last trains back and decided that it was still early to head to Bishan to meet Gwen. I’m glad we’re pretty good again. (: We talked quite a bit about everything. Oh yes, She mentioned that she felt like watching ‘Handsome Suit’! [Haha.] Of course i told her it was a good comedy since i’ve watched it twice already. (: Only about 4plus in the morning then taxi-ed home. The taxi driver was really caring. He insisted that he sent me all the way to my block though i said it’s fine to drop opposite Raffles Institution since i only had 6$ to pay him. =x I hate midnight charges.. It wasn’t exactly a long journey but soon it became so.. Feeling really bad, i dug out another 30¢ and gave it to him too. Then he decided to talk to me about ‘life principles’. … Oh, ended up i was listening to him for like 20-25minutes. And guess what he told me for like three time?! Taxi driver: “I decided to fetch you all the way was simply ’cause 1) you’re a girl, not safe.. what if anything should happen to you if i dropped you and you had to walk through the dark factory and wherever? 2) you were honest to tell me u had only 6$ to pay me even before boarding so aiya okay lo.. not like some others who would not care a bit and up not paying at all..” Oh, he’s already a grandfather.. [Eh..].. Still, GREAT THANKS to the TAXI DRIVER!! (: [Heh-heh.] And yeah, just my luck- this is like the 3rd/4th time for me meeting such taxi drivers.. All are midnight rides too! =x

Right, shall get going- shower to freshen up. I’m wondering what and where for dinner now..

7.36pm (Thursday, 16 April).

Thanks girlfriend! She was damn sweet. At 7.36pm (on Thursday,16 April), she sent a bloody long text. Guess what- she found two administrative job posted on the newspaper and hence notified me the details. [Haha.] Worry not girlfriend; and you should be flipping through the pages on world news or something, not the for jobs!! Cute uh? [Haha.]

A little of everything makes it all worthwhile.

In just an hour more..

[Sigh.] I don’t know when will the cloud above my head be blown far away from me. …

Dennis’ at Brunei already. So, the count-down begins..

365 to 364 more days to go..

Life is such a roller-coaster.

To: Gwendyln,

I’ve never expected things to end this way. Nevertherless, i admit that i was wrong- right from the start. Not having any clue of the consequences to my actions, i did my best to fight for you. He had the rights to know what’s happening to you and wake up his bloody ideas for the way he’s been treating you. Just when he was all out to think all negative about you, i kept that faith i had for you that you weren’t at fault. Now that it’s all over, i am to take the blame?

All i ever wanted for my friends is happiness. Never would i wish to see them down nor troubled. Should they be, i’d just stand by them through their cloudy days within my means.. 

Fine. When i read off your blog, i felt really terrible about myself. Just what a person am i now.. I didn’t mean to lie the fact that i did you wrong and thought maybe when you’re cooled, i could tell you the truth. I know it’s too late now to do anything good out of this situation. People say to me that this friendship isn’t worth it, yet i choose to believe there’s a better ending to it. Maybe no; there shouldn’t even an end to this friendship we’d shared. I know it too how disappointing i am to you.. Hence i’m doing my part here. Next, it’s all up to you.

Just know that all i ever wanted for you; was you to be happy being yourself. I deeply apologise. Sorry.

Yours truely, Teressa.

):

On a lighter note, the rest of the day was pretty calm. Had dinner at Chinatown with mommy and both sisters. Then to Bishan to meet Dennis for ‘Handsome Suit’. Yes, i know it’s my second time watching it. So was his! (: It’s a good comedy can?! ‘My Revolution’ by Misato Watanabe is power to the max. .. I made it my ringtone too!! Everyone should go catch it before it ends. I guarantee that you’ll at least have a smile during the show despite however hard your day had been.. And thanks for walking me home, babe! I’ll pray for you for the one year to pass with just a snap. See you next year. (:

Now i can’t get to sleep..

):

‘):’

Crap. Since i woke up three++ in the noon, i skipped lunch. And “smart” of myself, i accompanied Mommy for a jog (on an empty stomach). Yes, very dumb idea eh? It’s the second time i feel faint and literally shut down!! Alright, the first time was when i woke up late for tuition- kept running along the way as i rushed against the ticking time and end up, i wasted like 5-10minutes restarting my blackout-mind. Today’s the second. The vision changed from clear to blur then.. NOTHING! Like however best i blink, trying to recover my vision, my head started spinning and i felt superb coldness. Anyhow, never will i move about when with an empty stomach. Never ever! ):

When a hero finally makes the right choice, the timing is wrong. And you know what that’s said; timing is everything..

It’s gonna be the fifteenth tomorrow. Time passed real fast recently. A snap and i made a friend; a blink and he’s leaving. ..

I’ll pray for time to pass faster whilst he’s away; this way, he’ll be back soon! (: