And tonight..

I leave a couple few teardrops to roll.. I don’t really know what’s the cause of that feeling inside me making me wanna cry but one thing im sure of is that im afraid of tomorrow.. As much as i wish to think that im ready for all of these right now, clearly i know im not. Honestly, i don’t know how much longer i can take it.. It seems like self-destruction cuz initially all of these seemed right and only but now it’s not. What am i gonna do.. 😥

For better or for worst..

Hi, Prettybites! It’s been awhile, same old. Seems like after all these years, im certain that a part of me hasn’t change a weeny bit at all and that’s crawling back to my very own space, alone in my world. Despite all the changes and how far i’ve came(though not very accomplished yet), I’m glad it’s times like these that bring me back to clearer thoughts.

Lately, I’m bothered. In fact, I have no exact words to put together how I’m really feeling inside. The past few nights, my heart sinks deeper each night. It has come to a point where I’m accepting how i don’t quite matter at home, to my family. I thought days without ‘the dad’ would be livelier and lovelier but today reality smacked me that it was all my little wishful imagination.. All I can say is “I’m only human too”.. Hoping to put this unacceptable truth aside, I’m desperately looking forward when I head back to school.. By then I will be vexing about juggling my full-time job, studies, finances & all(life but maybe with a lot less of emotions) just like how it was then. I really want to numb these feelings inside me so badly because time again, the one i care most choose to hurt me more each time. Am I not your child like the other two…? Why do you have to treat me so different when i’ve never meant harm nor carried motives towards you.. I keep trying though it may not have been my best yet I can’t even receive a word of encouragement and instead you fed me disappointment.. TIME AND AGAIN… 😥

That aside, it’s finally the month of the year again. Hooray. Honestly, it would have been awesome if not for what happened at home last week. With so many PHs in May, which working fella ain’t feeling happy at all? What’s more exciting is I’ll be off to celebrate my birthday! Hooray!……….. All I’m thinking is planning my work schedule right so I won’t have to pick up the pieces when I’m back nor having to rush through my schedules. Thankfully im blessed with a handful out there who still cares for me and the one who never leaves my side after all these times.. Initially, I wanted to spill my excitement all over for the upcoming trip but somehow I can’t.. It’s not that I don’t feel excited anymore but I just don’t know how to express it fully. Just looking forward when the date draws..

I guess the happiest thing to overwhelm that sunken heart is that my dear friend is coming back sg!! Unfortunately, only for four short days but still I’m glad she contacted me!! I really can’t wait to meet her… Because friendships always meant the second most important relationships to me.. 🙂 hopefully we could really catch up before she leaves again.. This long-awaited return makes me feel some warmth somehow..

Time to catch some rest for a brand new day tomorrow… I hope tomorrow will be better..