Dear god, i promise to be good.

Given a chance to turn back time, i wish i had never met him then but later than now. Maybe that way so, things would be better off for me than what’s on my side now. Because he means so much to me, im gonna confess here- im holding on for he’s worthy. i promised and will keep it- for the remaining two years till graduation, that’s if i make it through every semester despite the cons of part-time studies, studies is my main focus, none else. But i’ll pray he doesn’t get hurt even by weeny bit in any aspects since he’s gotten all that he ever wanted. Now, worry not, i won’t harbour any grudges nor will i try being a shield for him, i’ll just be there when he needs someone to let whatever he has off his chest.. To be able being his confidante, that’s the most i can do.. Dear you, im sorry for how all this is gonna be between us.. at least for until im done through with my first hurdle for studies. i’ll be back like before with the vigor towards you.. but just not now nor any sooner though just you know that im always there for you; i will always be there.

~

Last night Johnson and myself were talking about getaways this coming December.. i hope we come up with a plan/ destination soon and execute it! Not forgetting having a great company along with us. All just so to let our hair down for a moment.. So many of so much happening lately but im simply way too lazy to post it up. Decided to take a break from my cyber-diary until im strong again to reminisce.. Till then, readers~ Just gonna spend all the time ‘mia’-ing since there’s pretty much of schoolwork to catch up on and not forgetting, having work to utilize the rest of the time.

How i wish i have 30hours a day instead so i get to sleep in for at least 9-10hours daily rather than 5-6hours..

i don’t need the blings nor a bouquet; just a stalk would make my day..

there and you were on your way..

Need.

Where were you when i needed you the most to stand by me telling me that everything’s alright?.. Just when im at that moment of feeling all lost and alone, i don’t have you.. i thought i could simply relief a sigh and feel lightened after but not this time. It’s not that im starting to rely on you all over again, but somehow i just can’t stand firm like before. i really wish to gain back some courage i used to own.. How now, dear boy? im still praying for the day you come back and go ‘baby-ing’ me, texting me just how much you miss me.. Guessed not uh? Not even if i have faith.. All these nights for the past few months, i didn’t tear to sleep. Instead, i drained myself mentally and physically before hitting the sheets. And when im awake for a brand new day, it’s the same old, i dread so much to get off the bed and never failed wanting to sleep away the day than having to face it alone.. Even up to today…

😥

‘Good’-bye?

Dear ‘friend’.

My dear ‘friend’, in just one quick converstaion we had over messenger and you mentioned a couple of times how much you wished you could be like me with the decisions i’ve made up.. Well, i only have this to say to you, you can be like myself but you must be prepared for how much it may hurt others around you who cares, seeing the way you are; and even yourself too. It may end up as an even bitch-ier life you’re leading now. It’s not gonna be easy.. But if you want to, have faith and believe, im pretty sure with the level of determination you have at hand, you’ll do not too bad.. Knows who even better than myself uh? i can’t promise that i can show you the way how to do- say goodbyes and all, but i’ll be there when you need someone to listen to, someone to support you.. Just know, you’re never alone ’cause there’s always me around even when you’re all good again; with a mere turn to your side, i will be there still.

Because i feel it’s worth it even if you didn’t give me any hope to work on further..

You may/ not wanna know.

To: That someone whose words used to mean something but just not anymore.

im sorry this is the way it has to be- goodbye. Even before you started to think and asked the ‘whys’, ive explained it all already but you just didn’t see how what i was telling you related to the questions you had for me. im sorry that i moved on though it was you whom i believed in then that the wait was worth it, i was just being naive. Now, you’ve made up your mind and that’s keeping everything bad between us despite me trying hard enough to be all sincere about this friendship. Well, i respect that, just make sure you don’t come back.. ’cause even if you do, nomore of that will i be a fool. im sorry not because im regretting, but i just don’t deserve this at all.

~

To: The other whom i don’t know what exactly i should do with and how to.

im sorry if i may not be me from whom you’re familiar with. This goodbye may be for long, forever, or never at all, i really don’t know. One moment you’re there and next you’re gone. This is what im feeling from the things you do/ say. Somehow it gives that ‘insecure’ feeling, i don’t know why but weird, ain’t it? One thing i won’t deny and that’s me trying to be nonchalant to everything else regarding you. You mean so much but there’s nothing i can do about to express it. So tell me what am i to do? i can only sigh over it and occupy myself with other issues. Over on my side if you actually bother, im numbing all that emotions through the load that i have at school and work. If explaining would make a difference, show it to me with support.. i really wish that i could tell you everything and explain my answers to your ‘whys’ but im too afraid.. Not that i don’t know how to do it, but i don’t know if i should.. How now.. i guess it’s time i just wait for you to fill me in.. Though im still afraid of hearing what i may not wanna know as you claim..

~

What a night to sleep on.

IVINS

3rd August, Tuesday

IVINS was it for dinner today. Their ‘Hor Pow’, ‘Ayam Buah Kuluak’ and ‘Honey Pork’ is like powerr~!! Aight, am so moodless to continue.

~

All-time-favourite for breakfast/branch. ↑

On another note, my knees still hurt from my epic fall yesterday upon reaching the school entrance.. And now? Having sinus. Then later? Full shift(1030-2200 hours) for work. Pray that my sinus will recover after some good sleep.

Goodnight, readers.

Then again, you come and go as you please. i’m trying to believe you, will you help me to? i really don’t know..