The hardest part; picking myself up.

Back to my writing habits, read my rants instead of hearing them..

So, i’ve been jobless and desperately looking for one now. It’s been two months. THIS SHIT IS REAL. Coincidental or not, im 25 now and yes, everyone calls it quarter-life-crisis. Unfortunately, i chose to leave my job for better self-well-being from all that cruelty i have to deal with. People who know me would understand that it’s not my level of immaturity that landed me in such a situation today. However, the society is only as harsh as i can ever imagine. Everyday i make more choices than my peers who have settled themselves as society slaves. Everyday is yet another struggle, another depressing day. On most days, i try searching for jobs on various portals, then  mass sending my resume which is painted in the best form i can, next is the waiting period. Upon receiving calls from many recruiters for forwarding my resume to their clients, even accepting interviews scheduled, the unfortunate events do still take place despite a 2nd round interview. Then, it all goes back to where i began from. I keep questioning myself, what’s missing other than my education qualifications. It breaks my heart. Im only seeking for a job to stay happily in my best form for the organization and draw a decent salary to pay my bills. I still have my dream of upgrading my education but im just less fortunate to have financial support without much to worry and concentrate on school. It’s been like this since i worked to pay for my diploma, then again it’s cheaper than a degree thus i managed to scrap through very poor days. Now? God decides to challenge me again. With wanting to go back to school taking a bank loan for it, but i have to consider for housing loan instead now that im applying for one. Am i worrying too much? Really? After receiving news that i didnt manage to get a job offer for which i turned down another in comparison of career prospects; i feel devastated. All i could do was to cry it out feeling so helpless, thinking why for once i decided to take a risk in planning my future a little yet only to turn out making a fool outta myself. I couldnt sleep well through the entire night. But after much procrastination, i decided to pick myself up again with much heavy sighs. Honestly, im not prepared for however long more that im gonna be jobless. I just hope i can pull through a little more of this down time in my life feeling hopeless. Already im giving up in life, i hope i wont end up giving up on myself.

Waking up today to even flip up my lappy to update to paint a prettier resume and sending new applications all over again was so tough, but im glad i did it still. I hope when i have my kids in future, i’ll be able to guide them through every major decisions in life, least they end up in my path. And no, im not blaming anyone for where i am today, esp. not so for my mom and sister living under the same roof as me. They see me get mad and upset over again many times in these couple months yet they havent given up on me and still encourage me to move on and look forward and be undaunted. I just hope, with such an experience, i will strive harder to work for my future which my parents werent given the opportunities to do so back when they were younger. If my sisters can be someone admirable today, im sure i will be someone too someday. *sigh*

For now, im just gonna end my depressing day, put on yet another mask and smile.. and go out there for fresher air than cooping up in my room. Tomorrow might just be a better day.